“An opiate is an opiate to me. It’s not the drug it’s the addiction.” — J, May 20, 2015
J is a mid-twenties father of two young children who grew up in the midwest and started doing drugs at thirteen — dropping out of school in the 7th grade. J remembers a time many months ago when he overheard my conversation regarding a friend of his with a heroin addiction. J interjected, “You don’t know that,” after I told a middle aged woman on SSI that his friend was trying to hustle her money for heroin.
I replied to J, “at the time I paused and appreciated that indeed I didn’t know his true intentions for the money and that irregardless he certainly was hustling the lady out of her money.” We shared a bonding laugh. J says, “he’s still lost in the sauce like the last meatball.”
Without a Roof: Explain how important a drug free environment is to you?
J: If I was living on the street I would have already relapsed. Luckily I’m in a sober living environment because there isn’t one place in town I can walk to that is even semi-clean. You hang around the barber shop long enough and eventually your going to get a haircut. This place (Chico Peace and Justice Center) is pretty cool, at least you have some place to go without that pressure. This place and 6th Street are the only places I know that I can go.
Without a Roof: What made you stop using drugs?
J: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Desperation, the old ways just weren’t doing it. Drugs just lead to jail, institutions and death. I have a couple of kids myself, really missing them. Need to do something about that. I wasn’t just a father, I was a dad to my kids. Potty trained both of my girls. I didn’t just pay for my kids I was there for them. I know I have to be off drugs to be in my children’s life. Haven’t seen them in 4/5 months now. Their mom got clean and started doing the right things. She’s a good mom, I would never try to take them away from her. With another 2/3 months sober I’ll be able to see them again. I see them online all the time. They are growing up fast. 6 and 4, about to be 5.
Without a Roof: have you thought about getting a GED?
J: Got that, I dropped out of of school in the 7th grade not because I was dumb but because I was making money. I’ve been in Butte College a couple semesters, Obama money. I’m taking general electives. Been doing drugs so long that I don’t know what I want to do. I need to substitute something for not doing drugs. Still trying to find myself I guess.
Without a Roof: what kind of things would help you that you don’t have access to now?
J: I’m pretty hip to the social service stuff. I have a place to live now, that has been the biggest pitfall. There’s no hope of staying clean living on the streets. I need my family and my feeling of completeness. I need someone to love me. I miss that feeling of being needed. I miss being a dad. It’s a good feeling to see someone grow by your teachings and see how they turn out.
I was raised with a lot of morals. Society doesn’t have morals and respect anymore, it’s all about what people can get out of you. A lot of people are fake, they are not true. Seems that anyone I interact with don’t have pure intentions, I might not always do the best thing but in the long run I want the best for everybody. And on that note… to be continued; I have to meet my sponsor and go to Narcotics Anonymous.
Without a Roof 